1  %title 24th February 2018 at 09:24
2  :jrnl:
3  %date 2018-02-23 09:24
4  
5  I'm drained. I was in bed for 12 hours yesterday. Perhaps more. At the time I thought I'd just take a quick nap and continue because I thought I was tired. But what I was afraid of came true. It felt oddly familiar and not something I'd felt like in a while. Depression strikes back. In between being asleep for 12 hours the times I was awake I felt really alone. There's nobody here for me. I mean sure, I have a couple of friends and I have some acquantances but not really anybody. And then I realized it'd be the same no matter where I go. There isn't really anybody anywhere for me. That made me unhappy. 
6  
7  I'm not sure what to do about it except keep on keeping on. Some days will be bad days. Some days I will be drained. Somedays the feedback of my supervisor will crush me. I think that's something I need to work on. Resilience training of some kind. The feedback my supervisor (Roger) gave me was honest and to the point. It wasn't harsh. It wasn't rude. When I first read it I was totally crushed. Then I read it again and felt a bit better. Motivitaion to try harder, to be better. But it was fleeting at best. I was once again greeted by my old friend "give up in the face of difficulty". But at least I'm recognizing it. I'm gonna try and work, and like I said, keep on keeping on. The alternative is self destruction, and despite all the romanticism I've built around it, it's not really an answer at all. 
8  
9  Success is not permanent and failure is not fatal.