1  %title 13th July 2020 at 23:28
 2  :jrnl:
 3  %date 2020-07-13 23:28
 4  
 5  Today was my first day at work again! 
 6  I got hired by a small company called ThreatDefence.com as a developer to fix odds and ends and develop little security toys to sell to business. Zlatko the owner says there's nothing threatDefecne shouldn't be able to detect or stop and so feel free to build anything that you think will help. I'm really happy with the amount of autonomy I have but also all the help I recieve. The main guy I report to (Nick) seems pretty cool as well so thats kinda awesome. 
 7  It feels good to have a reason to complete challenging tasks, because even though I knew about some of the technologies we're using, having a reason to see things through to completion is good. Lord knows how much I lose motivation doing my own projects. and yet in some way, a part of me yearns to be free and lazy once again. I don't particularly enjoy the time when I was looking for a job intensely, but the other times when I was just doing nothing but my own stuff had been really fun and I look back on it in fondness. In some sense I do wish I "got more done" but I know thats not a good way to think. Perhaps once I build up more skills and get more used to working for long streches on time with things that actually stimulate and bring me joy I will be better equipped to handle "managing my own time better" or just using iit more effectively. 
 8  
 9  In other news I went to the first Melee tournament hosted in Brisbane for a long time, and the first one I've been to in years. I came 4th! I had a lot of fun! Though I did have a fairly lucky bracket run, I came so close to beating Auro I wish I had. And while it's nice to fantasize about that, I can't focus on it too much otherwise its bad for me. Seeing Gareth, Niko, Sam and Gerd was nice though. It feels like I'm truly a brisbanite now, even though I got lost in the city on my way back. Plus since I get to work remote I probably won't have to move to Sydney any time soon. 
10  
11  It's been a really great day, and almost like the journey I had been on is now entering it's end. Now that I've dyed my hair, got a job, moved to brisbane, everything really has fallen into place. It's good to look back on where I started and how much I've changed, even if it isn't exactly growth in the strictest sense, I am proud of all the steps I've taken and the person I'm becoming. It's crazy how much landing a job changes my sense of self worth. I guess I just wasn't getting that from my own projects no matter how much I tried. I geuss the capitalist mindset is still deeply rooted inside me? because I wasn't particualrly worried about money for the time I was unemployed, and yet I felt less fulfilled. Something to think about.