1  %title 23rd February 2020 at 01:27
 2  :jrnl:
 3  %date 2020-10-19 01:27
 4  
 5  it's early in the morning and i dont quite yet want to go to bed, but i'm not sure of what else im supposed to do. i'm fairly drunk, and everyone here is asleep, i just got here. im not even sure what i wish for, just a continuation of the sesh, or in some strange attraction to productivity, to "do something". 
 6  
 7  this is a feeling ive felt quite a bit in brisbane, especially since in canberra it's almost the opposite, i'm always looking for avenues to leave. i guess when it's a different city and friends you don't get to see often or for much longer you wish for contiuous engagement 
 8  
 9  i'm sitting outside and getting eaten by mosquitoes, but i dont know where else to sit that would be quiet and dark enough for jafni to sleep on the count with. he's still fairly close to me, even when im sitting outside. i can hear a house nearby thats playing loud emo-ish music from the 2000s and they're all having a ball. i almost thought about just turning up there, but it's clearly a private party and i don't want to intrude. 
10  
11  i've enjoyed my time in brisbane, it's been rejuvenating. tomorrow i'm going to see caelen and goulda and i'm quite excited about that. i feel like i spent a lot of time at smansion this time? i certainly felt like gerard had had enough of me for the first time, which i do understand. he in particular had this complaint about my pooping habits which is odd but understandable. i'm actually glad he clarified with me, because it's not something i ever really used to think about, but leaving the toilet in a good shape after i use it is something i should be doing. 
12  
13  ugh i just moved inside and now i cant remember exactly where i was going with that. i'm trying to free write here, and now im just covered in mossie bites, it's very annoying, i suppose i should've seen this coming. 
14  
15  lately in birsbane i've been thinking about getting back on track a lot. doing the thihngs i know i can and should do to make sure that these months that i've just been bidding by aren't a total waste. i've been thinking about moving here because the sesh is just so crazy. in fact, i may have imagined a fantasy surrounding becoming Debs roommate, and maybe even becoming more than that, but i know that's just a fantasay i sustain because it'd be easy and lucky for me rn. there's a very small percentage chance of that happening, but even the fact that i say it that way gives you the inclination that i believe it's a psssibility instead of straight fantasy. i think it could be really fun, especially if nothing happens, and there would be a lot of drama if something did. i seem to gravitate towards that sort of drama. 
16  
17  i think i should stop vaping. 
18