1  %title the new job day
 2  :jrnl:
 3  %date 2021-07-05 14:32
 4  
 5  something still feels terribly wrong, empty, upset, incomplete. like i forgot how to be, how to be content. in always striving for the next thing i dont know how to be still. but its more than that, im confused about whether im still or not. 
 6  my laptop broke today. i spilt nicotine juice on it yesterday and now it wont turn on. yesterday the u button on the keyboard was acting up, maybe tomorrow i can fix it. 
 7  my server keeps crashing every other day, and i dont know why. i dont even know where to look for the lock up. makes me upset
 8  haikal came over today, and we booked more nz shit and that didnt make me feel better, and we spoke about the james and chtl thing because gareth and james finally spoke and nothing came of it and that certainly made me feel worse
 9  i also started my new job today, and even though it was nice to meet friendly strangers, it still hit me that this is yet another job ill be putting 40 hours a week into and that also made me sad
10  
11  i need to see a therapist
12  this isnt working and idk what to do