1  %title: counsellor
 2  :jrnl:
 3  #[[Archive]]
 4  
 5  im an asshole and just havent realozed it yet
 6  * elders always seem to not like me
 7  * know it all
 8  * embrace it?
 9  act like i enjoy my company most of all, and dont care to engage with people i dont care about?
10  
11  
12  no more feel worried about depression and suicide (planning a letter or accident)
13  annoyed at housemate(s), uni/work balance
14  assertiveness
15  bored of uni
16  (regular people stuff)
17  sexuality
18  dating
19  
20  —
21  
22  reality vs hallucinations
23  suicide
24  
25  unsatisfied:
26  * emotionally
27  * intellectually
28  * physically
29  
30  drugs
31  
32  —
33  
34  
35  * the lump on my left/being evil
36  * fear of abandonment so dont dont commit and remain lonely
37  * anushka
38  * invasive thoughts/snapping
39  * sexuality, demi/bi
40  * smoking up
41  * lonliness/friends/introvert
42  
43  * increasing thoughts of suicide, lump in my throat
44  * abandoning those who i care about most
45  * being fundamentally broken
46  
47  * Drugs
48  * Hapiness = Reality - Expectations
49  * Expectations of myself, being hard on myself
50  * I'm not who i think i am
51  * "The Future"
52  * Resiliencey
53  * Agreeable-ness
54  * Hope
55  * Being Evil, abandoning my friends, Breakdown at the start of the year
56  * not having a support network
57  * Bad memory 
58  * job
59  * Sleep
60  * Exercise 
61  * being intense/taking myself too seriously
62  * depression as a growing,looming darkness
63  * tried to beat it with mentality,tools and force of will, but failed.
64  * lacking meaning/purpose, giving up
65  * Love of playing devils advocate
66  * night time focus
67  * disassociation, hallucination
68  
69  
70  * Don't understand who i am and what I'm capable of, or what i want - doing/being too many things
71      * The multiplicity in my life that i sometimes see as "inauthentic" or "two faced" and how to console these contradictory perspectives 
72  
73  Able to keep myself just barely out of depression through sleep, exercise and decent eating habits, but juggling too many things. not fixing the underlying problem. any one of them slightly going out of order and i fall to pieces 
74  
75  -----
76  = Backlinks =
77  
78  - [[Archive|Archive]]